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Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Parent Appreciation

Is your week going well?  I had to take a breather earlier this week since Sunday we hosted my sis-n-law's baby shower here and those parties are so fun, but also take a lot of time and energy.  We are so excited to welcome another baby into our family, I can't wait!! I was up late on Sunday night cleaning and getting the house put back together so I could start the week fresh. So, house is all clean, the laundry finally got folded and put away and now we can focus on this, the last week of school!  

Everyday is something at the school to celebrate the end of the year, and on Thursday we have kindergarten graduation.  I'm a sappy mess right now!  This is such a big milestone for our son and family.  You've heard a lot about our baby girl lately, but the six-year old is still just as important and so very loved.  We couldn't be more proud of him.

It felt like a major accomplishment on Tuesday to get up and have myself and both kids ready and out the door by 7:35 a.m. for a kindergarten parent appreciation breakfast.  I remember the daily grind of getting James ready as a baby to take to daycare and myself for work- it's not easy!  

dress ($38)


Which brings me to today's post about parent appreciation.  This new life of having a young son and a newborn baby girl has shifted around lots of things in our lives.  I'm truly enjoying our baby so much and I'm accepting that, for now, I can't do as much as I used to in my days.  But, I have a confession.  

If you were to ask any of my friends what my best quality is, they would probably say that I'm so genuinely nice to everyone and very uplifting and positive.   I'll listen forever and truly care about what you have to say.  I have to admit though, at home, I haven't been so nice lately and I feel bad about it.  I've been frustrated that I feel like all the baby duties seem to fall on my shoulders.  I've joked to my husband, but you know when you're not really joking"Hi, have y'all met? . . . Meet your baby girl!" . . . "Remember that day on February 18, when you had a daughter??!" and I know he doesn't appreciate it.  It's not fun to live with those kind of sarcastic comments.  That's really no way to help the situation and shouldn't the person I live with get my best treatment?  If I need more help, I should just ask for it directly.  And I know you catch more bees with honey! 

When I think of all the ways my husband IS a great Dad, and so helpful around the house, I feel like a loser for getting resentful that he's not as hands on with the baby right now.  #heyI'mhuman 

I guess we have to play to our strengths and work as a team and it's true that I'm better with her at this age.  And more obsessed anyway! For our family's sake and my sanity, I needed to apologize to my hubby and turn my attitude around and just soak up all this special one-on-one time with our sweet girl.  

old top by Hinge | jeans | hair curling tutorial nursery

But, even if he's not up in the middle of the night with Jordan, doesn't mean he's not full-time with James. On top of working long hours, he's coached all of James' sports since he was in PreK3.  

GoWalk baseball tee (similar) jeans | sunglasses | watch 


And he's a great coach, very patient with all the kiddos and a good teacher at home.


When I see him up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning assembling James' new, two-wheel bike, it makes me smile and I'm so happy that James has such a great Dad.  



#kiddressedhimself



James is learning to ride a two-wheeler, big fun for a little kid!


James' shoes | Dad's shoes (similar)

And Dad is getting lots of exercise running along side him!
When I was pregnant with Jordan, one of the things I worried about was us getting left out and my husband and son getting to do all these fun things together.  In the short 3 months she's been alive, I've already learned that, if we want to be included, we just need to tag along!  Of course it's harder to bring baby on outings and maybe we pick and choose which ones we go to, but we're a family and I want us to stick together.  #mostofthetime




Even in the rain. Wouldn't have minded missing this one! It ended up pouring!


I realize that having a new baby isn't just an adjustment for me, it's an adjustment for all of us.  And the best blessing in the world, for sure.  I've come to learn that the "not so nice" parts of our lives that we struggle with are universal and I know I'm not the only woman in the world to feel like she's shouldering so much of the load with the baby.  #pleasetellmeImnotalone!   


What I'm working on is appreciating all the things my husband does do and all the ways he is a great Dad.  I know that will make not only him happier, but me too.                                     
       





I thought I had my Father's Day gift locked down, but after looking at these pics, seems like I could add another thing to the list!




P.S. Nordstrom's Half Yearly sale starts today, savings up to 40% off!  I'm working on a big Weekend Steals & Deals post for you now!  See you on Friday! 


__________________

keep in touch! 





affiliate links used in collaboration with Nordstrom. 

44 comments:

  1. You are NOT alone! I feel the exact same way and I have an 8 week old baby girl and a little boy who will be 3 in July. I find myself saying the same sacrastic comments to my hubby throughout the day. I am trying hard to give more grace but if I hear him say one more time how tired he is I just might backhand him....on accident, of course. :)

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  2. Thank you for being so transparent! You are doing great, and you're so right - it is an adjustment for everyone. My second baby just turned one yesterday (how did that happen so fast?!) and I want to encourage you that as Jordan grows and becomes more interactive and independent in little ways, your family will start feeling more like "normal." Each new development (learning to sit! sleeping through the night! learning to crawl!) brings you further out of the hard, all consuming little baby phase. I promise, you will feel like "you" and your family will feel "normal" again! You are an amazing mama!

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    1. In some ways, having a second baby is easier because you have more experience, but in a lot of ways, going from one to two has been harder for me. I am looking forward to her growing and becoming even more a part of our whole family!

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  3. Thank you for another honest but positive post about motherhood! They're often hard to find in the blog world these days :-) As a mom to a 15 month old girl, Charlotte, I definitely am with you on the feelings of shouldering most of the responsibilities in the first few months. I found that as my daughter grew and became more interactive, my husband naturally became a lot more involved because it honestly just became more fun for him! One thing that made a huge difference was implementing some daily one on one time for him and my daughter. It just happened casually - once she started eating solid food at 6 months, we all started eating an early dinner together before her bedtime. Once we were done the kitchen needed cleaned up at the same time she needed to be changed and the bedtime routine started. So I started sending my husband up with Charlotte while I cleaned the kitchen. It gave them about a half hour together of playing, reading books, and getting into pjs. Now we do that every day and they both seem to really enjoy that one on one time. Even a little bit of alone time every day created such a deeper bond between them. Then I'd come up at the last minute and feed her and we'd put her down together.

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    1. I really like that idea. Right now, they don't have that. And it was the same way with our son. I'm trying to remember when he started getting so involved. Maybe 9 months?? I think we'll have to try that kitchen/bath routine. Thanks for letting me know!

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    2. We did somethign very similar. My husband was responsible for bath time and diaper/pajama duty after dinner each night. It wasn't so I could clean the kitchen, it was so I could shower and get ready to relax myself. After they finished, I would feed her and put her to sleep- and we'd both have some time together.

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  4. Megan, hugs! I appreciate your post so much. You are so honest and candid and it is so refreshing and sweet. You are not alone! I remember feeling that exact same way when my son was born. I remember feeling so resentful because by hubby was carrying on the same life after my son but without me... golfing, trips, sports games. I remember feeling feelings that I had never had before and I was not proud of them. I am normally such a supportive loving person and I felt like I had turned into an ugly nag. I didn't mean to be, but I was TIRED, and lonely, and felt unappreciated. I remember reading the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and that book really helped me a lot. I still pull it out from time to time for a refresher course. Its the little things like kissing him on the cheek and telling him you love him instead of nagging. Those things add up. I, like you, KNEW my husband was awesome and doing so many things for us...but needed some new ideas on how to tell him what I really needed in a positive encouraging way. Hang in there girl. You got this! What you are feeling is so normal! It will pass! Write down all of the things you are blessed about and pray over those daily. Focus on the good and when those yucky feelings come up say out loud, "I am so blessed!" "I am so blessed!" Have a great rest of your week and enjoy those babies!!

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    1. You sound just like me. I don't like being a grouch, but I do feel like I'm doing everything alone with the baby! I'm going to check out that book. And I definitely need to be praying more with more focus. Your comment is very encouraging. Thank you so much Corbie!

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    2. Thank you for being so honest. I feel the same way too.

      We are deep into this with #2 and it is hard. Last night we put #1 down then let #2 sleep in her swing and actually hung out together like the "old days"... I hate the fact with M we were so connected and now I feel with F we are having issues.

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  5. I know exactly how you feel. I think breastfeeding makes it hard sometimes for the daddies to be involved at first. When my daughter was breastfeeding all the time I would pump one bottle right after we put her to bed and put it in the fridge. Then her first time she would wake my husband would feed her. It allowed me to get a good stretch of sleep in before the second feeding and my husband had one on one time with our peanut without me hovering! He works long hard hours but he genuinely looked forward to it and I did too! We got the idea from my parents who did the same thing with my siblings and I. It really helped me feel like it was a bit more of a joint effort. Just felt compelled to share... Having wonderful daddies to our babies is truly an amazing gift. by the way I Love your blog!!! :)

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    1. That's what my husband says too about breastfeeding, but I do pump too so maybe I can give him a feeding. I so appreciate hearing your experience and you letting me know I'm not alone.

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    2. The transition from 1 to 2 is so hard! This is random, but I hate pumping. I have a great Medela Freestyle, but I always feel like a cow when I'm using it. So, if I'm just pumping one bottle, I use a small Medela handpump instead. It's quiet, and much more discreet, and it's more comfortable too.

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  6. You are not alone! We had our second child (a girl) on February 1st and my son turned two at the beginning of March. I feel the same way and I'm not always the nicest to my husband. But he sure is a great dad and he seriously stepped up a ton to help out with our boy. I see their bond has gotten stronger while I'm dealing with a fussy baby before bed each night. Thank God she is now sleeping through the night so I'm slowly getting back to old self but it's just harder now with a toddler and an infant. I know this is just a season and I know it will get easier so just remember that. If your husband is anything like mine he lets the hurtful things I say roll off his back because he knows I don't really mean them but I'm just frustrated and sleep deprived. :)

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    1. Our girls are just 3 weeks apart! I'm trying to remember it's a season also. Thank God for babies sleeping through the night. My daughter is too now, but I still have to wake to feed her about 2 times.

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  7. Hi! I love your blog :) I am in the market for some comfy knit dresses for summer. - I LOVE the blue and white dress you show in your first picture. If you could share the source, I would appreciate it. Also, a post about 'throw on and go' super casual summer dresses would be awesome. Readers are allowed to make requests, right? ;) Congrats on your beautiful new baby girl, and thanks for sharing honest thoughts about parenthood.

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    1. Thanks so much Jennifer! I love it when readers make post suggestions! I could add your dress suggestion to a Friday Weekend Steals & Deals post.

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  8. I can definitely relate to this right now with a new baby girl who is 7 weeks and a 3 year old son. My husband gets home at 7 most nights, sometimes later. He needs to eat dinner so I've been literally carrying the baby all day and now I still can't put her down because she won't let me put her down long. I felt frustrated and sad the other day because I told my husband we don't have any time to ourselves anymore since she's up until we go to bed and she sleeps next to me right now. I know it will get better but I can't say that newborn phase is my favorite!
    I'm like you I don't want to miss anything fun my husband and son do so I've been wearing her alot so that I can always be included! We even went to an amusement park and I got to watch my son have fun on rides and I even got on a few with him.
    You are definitely not alone in how you feel. :) thanks for keeping it real!

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    1. You sound JUST like me! And I just tried wearing our daughter too last weekend. I think that could be a game changer since carrying her for too long kills my back. Now that I have a 6 year old son, I know that even more fun is ahead as the baby gets a little older. I'm not all, "I wish they could stay babies forever!" ;)

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  9. I will say this...you are NOT alone and this too shall pass! My kids are 24 and 22 and we went through all of the same feelings! Mama is tired!! Words get said that shouldn't and it's a season of grace and forgiveness! Your husband is a great dad and will just do more with Jordan as she gets bigger. I'm sure he's done more with James and tries to help out where he can. Sleep when you can, take MANY deep breaths and know that you are in a season that will pass all too quickly! Pray for patience and have a good cry when you need it! Get some type of exercise to relieve stress too! You have a gorgeous family and much to be grateful for! Babies are demanding and you'll be back in a routine before you know it!! It WILL get easier!😄

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    1. When I look back, I remember that my husband was the same way with James when he was a baby. It took awhile for him to get comfortable with baby, but when he did, he started being awesome. And I'm SO with you on the exercise! It's a life saver and not even about looking good, just the mental sanity. I think I'm going to start doing my cardio at night after I put Jordan to bed around 7. Thanks so much for your comment Patty!

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  10. It is hard going from one to two, especially with an age difference. You go from one that is independent and in school part time to two, one needing a lot of attention and time. I will say that I tried not to bombard my hubby the minute he walked in the door with all the "problems" of the day. I would give him time to get changed and unwind a bit. He would usually keep an eye on the girls while I fixed dinner. We always ate together as a family, baby included somehow. Problems/feelings were addressed AFTER the kiddos went to bed. This gave us both time to decompress and not say things we would regret later. I agree it is harder when breastfeeding to "share" the responsibilities. But he could easily feed her one bottle since you are pumping. Maybe even help with bathtime. I will say I have had several girlfriends who have had hubby's who are really unsure early on taking care of a girl. They feel it's different. But once their wives have addressed it, they felt more at ease...a baby is a baby! It will get easier as Jordan becomes less dependent. Also, James is at the perfect age to help...let him! I am sure he already is, but you would be surprised how much they really want to be a part of everything.

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    1. In some respects having a second is easier because you have experience on your side, but having two is harder because there's two of them! Our dinner routine is totally screwed up right now, but I'd love to get back to family dinners. Maybe now that school's out and no more sports we can get back into a dinner routine. James really is so helpful! He'll give her a paci or sit with her while I go into the kitchen or something. She laughs so hard at him!

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  11. I hope you know how refreshing it is to be able to read something so brutally honest, your post truly kicked me in the butt (in a positive way!) "Shouldn't the person we live with get our best treatment?" Wow, that seriously got to me. I've been so stressed out with the end of school (first year teacher right here! and all of the household chores on top of that. I know we don't have kids, but my husband works all day so we're both stressed out at the end of the day. I've had a short temper with him and have been resentful of him leaving a lot of those household tasks to me, since he works more hours. But you're so right, it's better to appreciate all of the MANY things he does for me. Thank you for turning my attitude around, you're such a fabulous influence for me, especially in this first year of my marriage!

    xoxo, SS

    The Southern Stylista

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    1. I just think all we can do is control ourselves and our attitudes. But when we do, things seem to get better! Hope you have a great weekend Jordyn! You know I love your name! :)

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  12. Being a parent is the toughest job. I've made similar sarcastic comments back when I was on mat leave. I remember counting down the hours and minutes until hubby would walk through the door after work and I would dump little man in his arms lol. I'm sure those LOVELY comments came from hormones, and now they're clearing up ��. I'm so glad you shared your story, because sometimes I need a reminder to appreciate the other half… even when I'm kept up by his snoring ��. We're lucky to have them around ��.

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    1. Oh, the snoring!! :) It's hard on some days not to squeal the tires down the driveway and peel off down the street, leaving kid and baby with dad!

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  13. I completely relate to the struggle with the baby and shouldering so much responsibility!
    It's gotten better now that my baby girl is over a year, but I was a grouch a lot in the first year when I felt like I had to do everything. I ended up snapping at my husband about it because I'd get so grouchy - and the tiredness of waking at night for nursing was a big part of my grouchiness. I found I had to wait until I simmered down and then have a friendly cnversationa bout it.

    One thing that we talked about several times was that he saw me as taking over with the baby all the time. I think because I was home with her I just naturally did take over, and I had to train myself to let him help more - but he also needed some reminding sometimes. Also, because I was nursing and she wouldn't take a bottle he felt like there wasn't much he could do.

    He's an amazing dad and we've gotten better at working together to help each other through several conversations and through time. Good luck!! I think tiredness can impact our moods and reactions SO MUCH.

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    1. That sounds like my husband, he feels like there's not that much he can do. I'm getting better about saying, can you change her diaper while I . . . . and he always will. You are right though, sleep deprivation makes for grouchy mamas!

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  14. I'm so behind on posts - end of school year activities are kicking my tail - but just had to comment. I felt the same resentment when we had our first and second children until I finally figured out that my husband is terrible with babies but is great from 6 months on. I just had to realize he wasn't shirking to be lazy but because those tiny little people scared and frustrated him. He's an amazing dad to our four kids now. :) Good luck!

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    1. I totally get that! We had 3 events in 4 days and it was a total cluster! And yep, bad with babies, great with toddlers over here!

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  15. I think you're right, it's an adjustment for everyone. It's going to take a little time to get to your new normal. I think the key is finding out what stresses you out and then figuring out some workarounds. Everyone has to do that. It's not easy sometimes.

    I know for me I had to take a step back and learn how to allot a lot more time for things. My son is an invalid and total care and is also an adult. Dressing, rolling over and blending up every meal and doing a hundred percent of everything every day is really a challenge. Taking him to a doctor's appointment means a four hour time period to get ready. My ex-husband just had surgery so he hasn't been able to take him for a few months and he can't really help until he recovers. So I feel like I have literally done everything for the past few months and not getting any sleep at all. I haven't had a complete night's sleep uninterrupted for four months. But my point is, I just try to take my time. I count my blessings and do what I can do every day and that's that. I know for myself that I get stressed out if I start getting behind in my chores so I really make an effort to keep everything neat, to keep everything picked up and on the ball. I assign different days for different tasks and that's the way it is. It takes me an hour to give him a sponge bath because my ex husband can't lift them into the tub anymore. My son is 200 pounds. So it's just the way it's got to be for a while. You'll figure it all out. I do think though that when a husband is out working hard and the wife is staying home, then part of her role as taking care of the family is putting a good meal on the table, being a good home economist and being organized. It can take awhile to get to that point. You learn to consolidate your errands to where you're only going to the grocery store once a week instead of running out when you need stuff and things like that. You'll get it figured out. Interestingly enough, my niece just got a job (she's a trademark attorney) at one of the top international law firms in the Midwest and one of her bosses was just saying that he can't be a attorney by day and then be home at night getting up with the kids and trying to work all day. He said his wife just can't understand why he can't do that. He did it with the first one and now they are on baby number two. It's a struggle for everyone for sure. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have our good and bad days. Hang in there.

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    1. I don't know how you do it. Your situation reminds me of the round-the-clock care we and especially my Mom gave my Dad. It's never ending. With you, I know you just do what you have to do, but I give you so much credit. It's exhausting!

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  16. I felt the EXACT same when my kids were babies!! Now that they are older, my husband does all the coaching, practicing, wrestling, etc...I'm just the chauffeur ;) He's an awesome dad (always has been), but just enjoys the "older" kids instead of babies :)

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  17. Sending you hugs! It does get easier! Some of mine and my husbands biggest arguments happened after our second child was born. I stayed at home so the majority of taking care of her fell to me - including the middle of the night feedings. She didn't sleep through the night until she was about 13 months old and neither my husband or I figured out that the majority of our fights happened because I was just so sleep deprived all the time! Until of course she and I were both getting a good nights sleep! Ask for help if you need it, including a night "off duty" so you can get enough rest. Hang in there!

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    1. I just requested a babysitter for this Saturday!! Those date nights are still needed! I appreciate the hugs so much!

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  18. YES!!!! Thank you for your honesty! We have a 4 year old and a 6 month old. My husband was awesome with our first baby girl (and is still great with her) but with this second one, I feel like he still hasn't connected to her. She's definitely a more difficult baby than the first. Babies and lack of sleep cause stress on relationships for sure, I just have to keep reminding myself that I know it will get better and we will get back to a "new normal"

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    1. That sounds like a good age difference. I bet they will be really close as they get older. I know exactly what you mean about the connection. It was immediate for me, but I think it's taking longer for Dad.

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  19. Thanks for this post. Hubby and I just had our first baby ( a girl) and at different points I feel so resentful especially when he gets to sleep through the night. Anyway I've decided to cherish those moments even when I'm up two or three times at night. Soon she'll be too big for breastfeeding and I know I'll miss that. Thanks or being so open and honest and for the reminder to focus on all the things my hubby does do. Wishing you guys all the best. You'll get through this.

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    1. That's a great way to look at it. I'm trying to do the same. :)

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  20. Thank you for this! As we approach baby #2 (very very very slowly) this was a good reminder of the struggles of having a dearly loved but needy newborn in the home! The wisest words ever spoken are "Your husband isn't the enemy...the baby is the enemy!" :) Once we weaned, our family instituted a "Morning Captain" which we leaned from a beauty post on Cup of Jo--basically, my husband is in charge every Saturday AM, and I take every Sunday. From wakeup til noon, come hell or high water, you're on your own with the kid while the other person gets the time and space to rest and recharge--sleep in, go to yoga, have your hair done, whatever with no interruption. I know that's next to impossible when you're nursing, but when the time comes to wean (or when you're comfortable going longer between feeds/pumping) it might be fun to try. Thank you for being honest--that is what separates you from many of the other blogs on my roll and I truly appreciate it!

    Here's the post: http://cupofjo.com/2015/07/courtney-klein-beauty-tips-storq-maternity/

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    1. Man, that is a great idea! Because you never get those big chunks of alone time! An hour just doesn't seem to cut it. Thanks for sharing that idea and post.

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  21. No idea how old this post is. I've just found your site and am trawling through your lovely content. This related to me, we don't have any little ones yet but are going through the slow process of buying out first home, so exciting but so stressful too. I found that I was making snarky comments to my partner about having to do it all and blew up at him one day then took a step back and realised i'd never asked him to do anything, I should know by now I need to ask and he'll go out of his way to make things perfect. It made me realise I need to talk more rather than bottle things up! Great post!

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