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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Pregnancy Update | 34 Weeks (the Sucky Parts)

Here we are at just six weeks to go until this baby girl is due to arrive!  How in the world did we get to 34 weeks so fast when my first pregnancy felt like it lasted two years?!?!  I guess that's the thing with your second pregnancy, you're so busy and occupied with your first that time seems to fly by. Until it doesn't. 

If you've been following along on our pregnancy journey, you know that up until now I've been all, "pregnancy is great . . .  I feel fantastic . . . I'm loving being pregnant . . . Look how stylish you can still be while pregnant!!"  Um yeah, you can go ahead and smack that chipper girl right about now! Even I want to! 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still overjoyed, overwhelmed and so very thankful that we're having a baby (especially at my age!), but ever since about a month ago, being pregnant has also been getting increasingly freaking hard.  There's no other way to say it.  I guess I could even be more blunt and say it sucks.  Or rather, parts of it suck.  Want to hear more?  Read on, but I totally get it if you want to skip this post altogether and come back when I'm not such a hormonal hot mess.  I just can't guarantee you when that will be. ;) 

Pregnancy Update - 34 Weeks and the parts that are sucky #pregnancyproblems #thirdtrimester| Honey We're Home





WHAT'S HARD ABOUT BEING 34 WEEKS PREGNANT 

1.  SLEEPING

Or lack thereof.  I think that's one of the worst parts right now.  Every time I lay down to go to bed, I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack.  My chest feels tight and it's so hard to breathe.  It calms down after 5-10 minutes, but it's kinda scary when you are huffing and puffing and can't get a good breath.  Also, I can only lay comfortably on my left side and I'm someone who likes to switch sides. Laying in only one position all night is hard.  If I try to switch sides, I'm winded all over again. 
Pregnancy Update - the parts that are sucky #pregnancyproblems #thirdtrimester | Honey We're Home
And getting up from bed? . . . 

Pregnancy Update - the parts that are sucky #pregnancyproblems #thirdtrimester | Honey We're Home

2.  THE UNPLEASANT PHYSICAL THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BODY

Like peeing all.the.time.  And charlie horses in the legs. Those have happened a couple times in my calves and they are NO JOKE! And heartburn, and other things you probably don't want me to mention because they are gross.  But it happens and I have to deal with it. I'll spare you the gory details.  

3.  BRAXTON HICKS CONTRACTIONS

I have a lot of these and they make me so short of breath and my belly feels super tight and my back hurts.  They stop me in my tracks, but thankfully only last about a minute at a time.  They are probably more inconvenient than painful, but definitely get my attention and interrupt whatever I happen to be doing at the time.

4.  GAINING WEIGHT

Gaining a lot of weight is hard.  It's been tough at the end now that the baby is getting bigger and I'm getting bigger too.  I'm up from 105 to 138 (although I figure I might lose a couple pounds of water weight in the next few days because that always seems to happen after the weekend and especially if I eat out, which we did last weekend).  

Because I'm petite and super short, the extra weight has me feeling very uncomfortable.  I can't bend down, but I make the effort because you have to wear shoes.  And pants.  Apparently, going pantless in public is considered unacceptable.  But if it weren't . . . 

Pregnancy Update - the parts that are sucky #pregnancyproblems #thirdtrimester | Honey We're Home

Thank God for soft, stretchy comfy pants, which I wear exclusively now when I'm at home.  I probably should go up a size, but with just 6 weeks to go, I don't want to buy any more maternity clothes.  Sure, I can get myself spiffed up and still look pretty good (if I do say so myself;), but inside it's still really hard to get around, get in and out of the car, or get up from the couch.  

And if I happen to drop something, I have to really consider if it's worth trying to pick up.

Pregnancy Update - the parts that are sucky #pregnancyproblems #thirdtrimester | Honey We're Home

The hard part about gaining weight for me is I'm so uncomfortable, my belly bumps into everything (even my desk right now as I sit and type this), I get winded so easily, it makes me tired, I'm starting to get swollen (which doesn't feel good), and the maternity pants I've bought are getting tiiiiight.  
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I'M SCARED

Can I also admit that I have some pretty substantial fears about having a second child?  I hope this is a safe place to share that I'm afraid of . . .

1.  GOING INTO LABOR

I've been having braxton hicks contractions since very early on, like about 20 weeks, but the other night they were coming every ten minutes or less.  Since I was induced with my son, I didn't know if that was the start of going into labor and I was all, "oh no, it's too soon!"  Thankfully, it subsided and they haven't been as frequent lately.  My doctor advised to just keep drinking lots of water or change positions if they keep coming. 

Everyone assures me that "you'll know" the difference when you're actually going into labor.  I don't know whether to be happy about that or freaked out.  My BH contractions already take my breath away and are very uncomfortable.  I hope I can handle the real thing.  I'm team #gimmethedrugs and I hope I can get to the hospital in time to safely get an epidural and before I crumble into a ball of pain. #kiddingnotkidding  

2.  LOSING MY FREEDOM

Is it even okay to say this? Maybe not, but if I'm honest with you (and myself), it has crossed my mind.  When I went from working full-time to stay at home mom, it was a huge adjustment when my son started preschool.  I felt like, "How can I be a SAHM with a son that's in school?"  "What am I going to do all day?"  I missed him terribly and was pretty sad about it.  My contract lawyer job had ended and they didn't need me anymore.  I did try to find another legal job, but couldn't find something that fit.  After what felt like beating my head against a wall trying to find another job, I decided to let go and the timing was perfect because my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer.  Not having a full-time job allowed me to be at every doctor visit and every hospital stay, spend much-needed time with my parents and family, and also pick up my son after school so he could be home instead of going to after-school care.  He always wants to come home.

In retrospect, although I fought it, being out of work is what worked best for our family and then, as my blog grew and I found myself pouring more of my time and energy into it, it became more than a hobby.  And I love it.  Fast forward a couple years, and some days I look up and am like, "Oh, sh*t!  It's time to go get my son from school!"  There are never enough hours in the day, but I must say that I recognize that my life is currently pretty full of freedom and I know that's about to end in a big way.

Having an only child who is almost six and getting more and more independent by the day is so very different from having two kids, one of which is a newborn.  I remember being tied to the feedings and the naps and sleep schedule.  How will I handle it this time?  Am I up for the middle-of-the-night feedings? Will I go straight back to Schlumpadinkaville?  Will I be able to keep up my blog?  Will my husband take my son to all the fun things while I'm "stuck" with the baby at home?  That sounds terrible just typing it.  Let alone feeling it.

Of course, intellectually and in my heart I know everything will work out, even if adjustments need to be made. My husband is a great dad, so I shouldn't discount him. It doesn't mean I don't still think about these things.  

3.  NOT LOVING/CONNECTING WITH OUR DAUGHTER LIKE I HAVE OUR SON

I mentioned this briefly early on and you mamas were very reassuring that love doesn't divide, it multiples.  And I'm sure you're right.  I just haven't experienced that for myself yet.  And maybe it's true and/or human nature to connect more with one person than another or be more compatible on certain levels.

Up to now, my son and I have been very in sync and our bond is tight.  He's almost six now and starting to prefer Dad more in certain situations and it's been fine, even if it stings a little.  I love that they have such a good relationship.  

Also, our son has been an "angel baby and child" and I hear that doesn't happen twice.  Maybe we'll get a feisty, high-spirited daughter who will be all too eager to teach me a thing or two.  I just have to trust God that He doesn't give you more than you can handle or what you don't need. 

On a lesser scale, I don't want James to be jealous of the baby, but I really don't think that will be an issue with him.  He's excited about having a baby sister and even with all the attention on baby with the shower, he never once asked, "are there any gifts for me?" which I thought could happen and I wouldn't have been surprised.  And while we were designing and implementing the nursery, he was literally so excited and happy to see everything come in for her.  I told you he's an angel.  I mean, did you see this video?!  #meltmyheart

But, at the same time, I've only known being a mom to one child, and it's much easier to give your attention to one.  When they both need it at the same time . . .  I haven't had to deal with that yet.  I admire you moms of more than one, more than you know. 

4.  WILL WE EVER CHOOSE A NAME? 

Our son, James, has a family name so there was literally no discussion of names once we found out we were having a boy.  This time, my husband said he's open to hearing anything I want to consider, but he's not been throwing names into the hat, so it's pretty much on me.  I thought I'd always know what I wanted to name a daughter if we had one, but now that it's actually happening, I haven't been able to commit.

Sure, I have names in mind, maybe I just need to see her and hold her to know.  The hospital said I have 48 hours after she's born to tell them her name.  We might be down to the wire on that one!

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I know this post is full of aches and pains and complaints and I am an optimistic, cheerful person by nature.  I only divulge all these issues and fears so that you don't actually want to slap me with how sunshiney and positive I've been about this pregnancy.  No one is immune from the hard parts.  And I'd go through it all times two to grow a healthy baby.  Being a mom is the best thing in my life and I am seriously so thankful to get to experience it again.  In just six weeks! 

Get caught up on all my pregnancy posts here.

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keep in touch! 


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57 comments:

  1. I love this post! My daughter is almost 2 and my husband and I are just starting to think about maybe trying for another, but I'm way more reluctant this time than when we were trying for her! Being pregnant is HARD and I still remember it all too well. I gained 50+ pounds (I stopped weighing myself at 49, it was just too sad). I'm 5' like you and have always been thin, so you can only imagine how miserable I was carrying around 50 extra pounds! Us Mamas do a hard thing, this reproducing, and we're all entitled to a little self-pity and complaining! Don't feel bad about it at all. My biggest worry with having another is, like you said, being able to love another child as much as I love my daughter. It doesn't seem possible! But apparently it is? lol Can't wait to meet your little one and hear what you decide to name her! Hang in there!

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    1. Your first pregnancy sounds like mine! I think I gained about 55 pounds and was so miserable. Thankfully, it's better this time but it's still hard at the end! I will definitely keep you posted!

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  2. Thank you for your honest thoughts. The hardest part is wrapping my head around is being in sync with another child. My daughter truly is an angel child, she eats, sleeps, has fun, etc. more than we EVER expected. I know once the new one comes (also still nameless because nothing seems to fit) it will all work out but it keeps me up at night!

    And I TOTALLY understand being short and pregnant...

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    1. We are having parallel pregnancies Christie! I don't know why were having such trouble with the name! I thought for sure we have something definite in mind by now!

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  3. Oh Megan I can completely relate. I am 35 weeks pregnant and have a 9 year old son. I have the same fears as you, I am afraid of labor and afraid of losing the freedom and not being able to get back into a routine. I work outside the home and felt that we had a good routine for us that allowed me to train (I am a runner), enjoy time with my husband and as a family. Thanks for sharing, I talked to a friend that already has two kids, it helped a lot to see things from her perspective and to see that it is normal what we feel and that everything will be back to the new normal. For some it may take weeks, for other months but we must be patient and very understanding. I am sure once we see our babies, we will forget all these fears. I get that these last weeks are super uncomfortable but we are almost there and hope that you enjoy them!

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    1. Norma, we are on the same timeline with our due dates! You sound very similar to me with the labor and freedom fears. It's really hard to make time for exercise and training when you work too. I think you're right about the 'new normal' and we will adjust and everything will be just fine, but it's that fear of the unknown and having kids pretty far apart in age gives us some 'baby amnesia'. But, I bet the older sons will be big helps!

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  4. I think that you are pretty amazing. All of you fears will go away when you see that beautiful baby girl. My kids are only 18 months apart so it was a crazy time and really went by too fast. I was working then and still work, but sometimes I wonder if I were home with them would it not have felt so rushed. Your kids will be a good distance apart that they will have different interests. (well Boy/Girl) Mine are both boys. Your body will bounce back too. You got this. Good Luck

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    1. I know you're right Michelle. I'm already starting to feel ready to meet her! I bet your kids are so close though since they are near the same age.

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  5. I have to say this is one of my favorite posts you have written recently. It is easy to take pictures of perfect decor, while the mess is just off to the side. Easy to share fashion links and photos. But, being raw and real is HARD! You fears and concerns are real, and I think anyone who is a mom can relate. I am not one to give specific advice when it comes to mothering as each child and family are different. What worked for one may not work for the other. But, I will say you will all adjust and all will embrace their new role in due time. You will find the time to be there for each of them. The baby has you while James in as at school, you will find the time to spend with James when he is home. It might mean while she is napping or dad may need to spend some quality time with her to give you that time. I would agree that losing your freedom is hard to think about, but it just requires more planning to make it happen.

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    1. All valid points Lauren. I'm glad I put myself out there and shared this because the responses back have helped so much, yours included.

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  6. I always enjoy reading your blog, in large part, because of how upbeat and positive it always is. But, I have to admit, I found today's post to be heartwarming. Your honesty....your willingness to admit to vulnerability....really speaks to the connection you have with your blog community. And, your willingness to admit to some of the less exuberant aspects of pregnancy has, no doubt, allowed many readers to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that they are normal for feeling the same way.

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    1. You hit the nail on the head because I usually am upbeat and positive (I'm sure that actually annoys some people), but I couldn't shake these feelings and wanted people to be able to relate to me (and me to them). Vulnerability isn't my strong suit on the blog, I usually keep that more private, but I am glad I shared. These are all normal feelings, right?! And I do want that connection with the women who read my blog.

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  7. Thank you for keeping it real! I loved this post and could hear your heart talking. It can be daunting with so many new changes... your body, new baby, and family life. This is such a precious time in your life. Soon you will hold that beautiful baby girl in your arms. Remember babyhood is just a brief moment in your momma journey as the baby days go quickly. I have no doubt you will be back in shape and balancing two precious kids in no time. :)

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    1. Thank you for those words. They really are helpful to hear.

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  8. LOVED reading this ... I am 37 weeks and have felt like such a negative pregnant lady lately. My sleep improved for a week or two and last night I had the 'im having a heart attack and cant get comfortable' issue all night. Headed to the doctor's shortly ... hoping for SOME progress! Hang in there Momma, at least it's been cool :)

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    1. Well, at least we can feel negative together!! We're almost there! But you're ahead of me!

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  9. This blog post was so emotional for me to read. I've been following your blog for awhile now, even going back to the beginning to catch up. I've enjoyed it tremendously & it's inspired me so much. One of the things I've always enjoyed reading about was your "mom" posts. I am older than you & have never had a child, even though I desperately wanted one. I was overjoyed at hearing you were expecting a girl. This post was just so real & honest & beautifully written. I just wanted to say that she is going to add so much to your life & that the sucky part is such a small part of a woman's life (easy for me to say, I know). You and your husband seem like amazing parents & James is a beautiful little boy (the video killed me). I don't think that primal urge to want to mother will ever leave me. I pour all of that love into my, very lucky, nieces & nephews. I know how grateful you are to be experiencing this again & I wish you nothing but the best. Praying for a speedy 6 weeks, an easy delivery & a lifetime of bliss with your daughter, son & husband.

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    1. Oh, I'm glad you saw a video. His sweet heart is just so innocent and pure. Your nieces and nephews are so blessed to have you. I can tell you have such a warm, loving heart!! Thank you so much for your sweet comment!

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  10. I'm 30 weeks today and having a lot of the same thoughts as you! My son is 2.5 and he's just an awesome little guy and everything he does amazes me. I worry about being able to love 2 children equally and not having feelings of loving one more than the other. I worry about my son feeling like he's not getting enough attention. He's also so excited for his little sister Charlotte to arrive and he's always mentioning her and saying he's going to help give her a bath and give his bed (crib) to her.
    Being down to just 1 nap a day now and having a pretty flexible schedule, I also kind of dread having to go through that period where you are on such a schedule most of the time if you want baby to have good sleep. Good sleep promotes a happy child so most of the time I stuck to it but had some room for flexibility on some days.
    I think all these feelings are normal and everything will fall into place! In retrospect it's such a short period of their life where we don't have as much freedom.

    6 weeks will come fast! Good luck :)

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    1. Oh I love that name Charlotte!! That's a good age difference you have between your kids. I bet they'll become best friends! I know our schedule is about to change in a big way over here too!

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  11. I think if we mamas are honest we can all relate to most or all of what you've said. Hang in there, it will all be ok in the end! Something you might try to do with James is sneak out of the house with him occasionally and leave the baby and dad at home for an hour or two. It will help him feel special to have one on one time with you, and will be like a breath of fresh air for you, too. Babies are amazing, but also can be exhausting and it's good to acknowledge that fact! Thanks for your honesty!

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    1. I agree with you. Also, I'm not sure he'll be all that interested in her in the beginning since babies don't do much that would seem fun to a 6-year old.

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  12. 32 weeks here and can I just say AMEN.

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  13. I have an 8 month old girl and a 7 year old girl (she was six when I had her). I had all the same concerns as you. I am a stay at home mom and had one year of freedom while my daughter was in kindergarten. The transition to two was not as hard as hard as I thought. Ttying to figure out liguistics can be hard when your older child has an activity, and your baby needs a nap or you have to bring them along. It's a lot more work but totally worth it. You will be surprised how quickly you get into a routine!

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  14. I hear you! I mourned when i was pregnant with my second the loss of my one-on-one relationship with my oldest. Things do change, but much stays the same, and seeing the love siblings have for each other and their relationship develop is so worth it. A newborn is tiring but every time (I have 5) I felt so much better after I'd given birth. Just being able to breathe and lean over and move without needing to pee every 5 minutes is so great! Hang in there. I'm sending good thoughts for you. :)

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  15. I'm 31 weeks and having a braxton hick contraction as I'm typing this! they are bizarre! I feel ya on all of these. Its crazy what our bodies go through these 40+- weeks and the "symptoms" just keep getting more fun... not really haha. Its nice to read that other pregnant mommies feel the same way!

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  16. Hi Megan! I have to share an idea for finalizing names that I received from a wonderful (older) man that I worked with years ago. He said when his wife was pregnant, they'd write the entire name they were considering on an index card and then hang two of those index cards at a time on the fridge (or on the desk at work...wherever you'd see it frequently). Once you found you weren't so keen on one, replace it with another, and then continually compare two names. I didn't even know how much the name Declan would grow on me until we did this ourselves. And it was and is a perfect fit for our little guy! And as a mom to a nearly 5-year old sweet boy myself, I can tell you that James will do well. Declan was only 2 when we brought our baby girl home, and he has been nothing but sweet to her since day 1 (even at such a young age!). Keeping you in my prayers in these last weeks!

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  17. Oh Megan...what an honest post! You brought me back to my pregnancy days and I loved the trip down memory lane! My son is my oldest and he's 22 and my two girls are ages 13 & 11. I can relate to all the things that you are feeling and although I don't have any magic words of advice, I can only try to reassure you that everything will be fine. One area on the naming issue that I can offer advice is...if you aren't sure...wait! Wait until they tell you that you MUST name your sweet little one. Although I wouldn't change my daughter's name now, I hastily made a decision during labor (what?!) and then I cried for 3 days because I thought I gave her the wrong name! She has grown into her name, it's unique, and it's totally her...BUT, thoughts still creep into my mind (11 years later) that it could have been different. Anyway, best of luck during these last weeks! Can't wait to meet your sweet little girl!

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  18. Love how honest this post is!! and at 39 weeks right now, I'm so with you on all of these things! Bumping into things with my belly, having issues with gaining weight when I've always been fit (I know that sounds ridiculous but I'm over being fat even after working out this entire pregnancy), sleeping issues, nothing fits but I am not buying any more maternity clothes, concerns over losing my freedom and doing what I want, labor concerns because I can't tell a contraction from a BH and hello I'm supposed to know that right? I'm so with you! Hang in there girl!

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  19. Everything you are feeling is VERY normal. You are brave to put your fears/issues out there, but just know that you and your family will work through it all and be awed by your new normal. As a mom of four (9-15) I'll tell you that every new stage and change is scary but can also be exciting. Enjoy the ride! Oh, and I so feel you on the no fun pregnancy issues...don't know how I got through it each time!

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  20. You are literally giving birth to your future best friend! (Although there will be a couple years you will question everything they are.... #teenager) I am so excited for you to have her and hold her and love her! Oh, and this might not help you, but I named my daughter as soon as she was born and cried over it for 3 days. Ultimately I changed her name as I was leaving the hospital... So glad I did, the other one that I had planned did not fit her at all! And because my comment is already too long, I'll add this... Our first night home I cried during one of the middle of the night feedings because I couldn't remember what I named her!! :) Mom of the year! ~Kim

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  21. I've been reading your blog for a little while but haven't commented before. What a great, honest post! We've got a larger than average age gap between kids (nearly four years) and I've got to say it has been awesome, though I shared many of your fears before our daughter was born. Our son was at the wonderful age to really enjoy his sister without any jealousy and now that she is starting to get into his things and torment him (she is now 13 months), he is about to go to school so it worked perfectly! I found I got to enjoy her baby days so much more than with my son because he was just that little bit older and was happy to play independently and be dropped at preschool, and I knew this time that the baby days go so quickly. And I am seeing glimpses of my freedom coming back as well! All the best, the fears are real but the joy is bigger.

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  22. Megan, I'm feeling the same way you are about pretty much all of this (I'm almost 32 weeks). I'm just so tired of not sleeping, worrying about not loving my baby and just being fat. The 3rd trimester is blah. And I just figured out how to have a bit of freedom now that I stay home; how can I lose that!?
    But I know it will all work out, even if it takes time. I'm just going to give myself a lot of grace, and I hope you do as well. I pray these next few weeks go by quickly for you, and that you figure out a name for that precious girl. :)

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  23. I loved this post. I think all moms feel this way and have the same doubts, fears, and concerns that you have expressed. I am way past your stage in life - my baby is almost 18! I have no idea where the time went. There is a very large age difference between my youngest and the older two - 9 and 11 years! Talk about starting over! However, I will have to say that my time with my youngest while the others were in school was the best. I wasn't nervous like with the first, and I wasn't stressed like I was with two small kids. Somehow, starting over with diapers, lack of free time, lack of sleep, and all the rest just became part of life, and you get through it without even thinking about it. James will still get lots of attention (after all, you can have a conversation with him and not with an infant), and he will cherish his job as a big brother, helping in the beginning and playing as she gets older. Your heart will expand more than double, and in a very short amount of time you will not be able to imagine your life without both kids. I wish you all the best as you welcome your little girl.

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  24. I have a 5-month-old and 4-year-old and had a lot of those same feelings! It is stressful when both need me at once but it isn't often and I just think of it as teaching patience. ;) My first was easy but the second one has been easier!!! So it is possible to have two easy babies! It is so fun so see our 4-year-old bond with and love on the baby! I think bigger age differences help with jealousy because they are more understanding. I'm sure you will be an awesome mom of two!!!

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  25. Long time reader, first time commenter. I'm 29 weeks (first child is 2.5 years old) and can relate to this post so much. I think it's my favorite one you've ever posted. Thank you for your honesty. I'm following right along in your footsteps, so I love how you are putting the real deal out there.

    I was wondering if you would be willing to do a post on post partum wraps. I trust your opinions (especially as a petite mama) and would love your thoughts/feedback.

    I can't wait to find out what name you choose! Like a previous poster said, don't rush into it. You will choose the perfect name for her!

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  26. I love that you are so real and honest. You truly have a gift for writing. Wishing you and your family nothing but love and happiness as you welcome you little girl into your lives :) xo

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  27. Sweet girl. I felt so many of the same things while pregnant. And because my body didn't do pregnancy well it was so hard to battle the feelings of guilt for not loving it with how society wanted me to feel. Still grateful, of course. But I get so much of this. And I felt the same before G was born. So worried. . . how could I handle two, how could I love him with as much heart. And it all falls into place. I promise. It's magical and you are so near that amazing day. Hang in there, mama. The reward is priceless. xo (my favorite was the joke about not wearing pants. . . truth!)

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  28. Our son was our first and he was definitely that perfect baby/kid. Next, came a super high maintenance girl. Then, another girl who is a mix of both. They're all so different, but the love is equal.
    Also, we didn't find out gender for any of them, so I can relate to the name thing. We didn't name any of them until our second day in the hospital. I figure you have to get to know them first. ;) We ended up with a Carter, Emma, and Laney. And all three got family middle names.
    It's hard to tell someone what things will be like, or to convey reassurance. You'll see...you won't even remember life before her after the first week home.

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  29. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I'm 6 months pregnant and have most of the same worries and fears. And honestly? I feel like a big selfish jerk most of the time. I'm glad I'm not the only one worried about how life is going to change once she's here.

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  30. Your thoughts and worries are not weird at all and you are not alone i had all the same thoughts too. Also pregnancy sucks especially the second time around it is so much moe taxing on your body. My legs were covered in bulging varicose veins that were so painful and I had a hard time breathing too. I will say as soon as Frances was born I felt immediate relief from many of the symptoms. A newborn is hard but you can do this and just remember how fast the newborn stage flies by it is even faster with your second. I am so excited for you and this journey to meet your sweet daughter! xoxo

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  31. Megan, this is such an honest post. In addition to all the physical challenges in the home stretch, the emotional ones are just as great. I, too, was worried when my second son was born...how was I going to love him as much? But I love what you said,"love doesn't divide, it multiplies." It's crazy how God gives our hearts the capacity to love as much as we do. I was in the trenches when my second son and my third baby were born...I didn't have any real break/freedom between them since they are all 2 years apart and the boys were challenging toddlers! But I totally get how the change in freedom can be a bit scary. It will all be a transition and take time to figure out, but you are more capable and equipped than you feel at the moment :) I'm struggling with the continued changes in my body with #4 at 20 weeks. I'm worried I won't be able to get back to getting in some sort of shape {I've resigned the fact that it won't ever be the same! HA! But I hope I can get back to what I was before this pregnancy} and then I feel very selfish and guilty about that feeling. Hang in there, mama. You're not alone :)xo

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  32. What a wonderful post, Megan! I had twin girls (3 1/2 yrs ago) when my son was 6 years old. He was also an easy, sweet kiddo that was (and still is) Mama's boy. I had all the same concerns you have and although the age difference has its challenges, overall it been an adventure! Since James will be in school, you will have bonding time (and nap time!) alone with your little one, and since newborns sleep a lot, I used that time to play a game with my son, make dinner with him, or do something else he enjoys. Our trips and activities are usually geared toward our son and my husband and I take turns doing something fun with him (movie, theme park, dinner at a favorite restaurant, Main Event, etc) so he still gets quality alone time with us. And although his sisters can drive him nuts, he's so wonderful with them and it's so special to see. On the name conundrum, none of my kids were named until the nurses said "Baby Girl" was going on their birth certificate if I didn't make a decision..lol. Looking forward to seeing this little one...so thrilled for you!

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  33. I hear you on those last few weeks! Everything seems to get pretty uncomfortable then. I was only pregnant once but the bigger my belly grew the more scared I got, lol.

    I think a lot of what you are feeling is pretty normal. You've had a lot of freedom so certainly that's going to change but I think when you look that baby in the eyes, it'll all be worth it. There will be an adjustment. You'll be getting up for those late night feedings so it's going to take a few weeks to get back on schedule and to pull yourself together. You'll probably be lucky if you can get a shower by noon lol. But I think that's pretty normal for all mothers. You may want to do a reduced of blog schedule for a while and you can even pre-plan some posts ahead of time. Just give yourself a little grace during this time.

    I guess the parts that concern me a lot are two things. The first thing that concerns me is the volume of your Braxton Hicks contractions. It seems like a lot. The bigger issue for me is that you are having such trouble when you go to lie down. You're not an overly dramatic person so it concerns me when you say you feel like you're having a heart attack. You work out a lot so not only are you fit but you're pretty in tune with your body and your heart rate. For you to describe it it feels like you're having a heart attack worries me a lot. I guess the first thing that comes to mind is I'm worried about a blood clot (and possible stroke). I'm not trying to alarm you but you're feeling like this when you're going to lie down and typically blood pressure changes when you go from a standing to lying position. I would just want it checked out further and even a second opinion. It just doesn't seem right. Women just don't describe it is a heart attack so that is a huge red flag to me especially coming from a fit person vs somebody who has never worked out. An EKG would be pretty simple to do. Regarding the tightness in your back I think it would be a good time to do a massage for that. Also there is a back massager that you place in a chair that they sell at Walgreens. It's only around $20 but between the heat and the massage it will relax those back muscles and bring blood flow to the area. I used it a lot after I had my back surgery and my back healed up really well. I used to do it two to three times a day when I was healing from back surgery. Anyway, congrats on the little girl. With regards to names may be writing a few of the names you kind of like on an index card and putting it on the refrigerator and after a few weeks maybe one of the names will start rising to the top. Good luck!

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  34. Ahh, I hear you on this one. I don't enjoy pregnancy much (weight gain, trouble sleeping, nausea, peeing all the time, sciatic pain, other unmentionable discomforts...) BUT I can assure you that a couple months after your baby is born you'll be all, "Was pregnancy really that bad?!" Amnesia is so real! I understand the bonding thing too. With my first, I felt like I bonded with her the moment I knew I was pregnant. With my second, I obviously loved my baby and was ecstatic to be pregnant, but that indescribable bond wasn't there until she was born. But then I was blown away by how quickly and solidly we bonded. Having two is an adjustment, and don't judge it by the first couple months, but the baby days go so quickly and soon you'll have found your new normal. Plus you get to watch the beautiful love between siblings unfold!

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  35. I feel you girl! I've had two very rough pregnancies. My body doesn't like being pregnant and in turn, I was extremely miserable both times. I won't go into all that because I have two amazing little guys that I am blessed to call mine. Going from one to two is hard and it does take some adjustment; just like having your first baby took some adjustment. We didn't name either of our kids until after they were born. We had names we liked but live firmly in the "I want to meet them first" camp. Our hospital doesn't like that very much (they were handing me forms before either of my kids were even born).

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  36. I'm right there with you--35 weeks and counting. Everything you said is perfectly spot on. It's nice to know others have the same fears and concerns. Hang in there and good luck with everything!

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  37. It's like you were writing the thoughts right from my head. I'm 33 weeks and pretty miserable as well! My doctor said he notices women who "take care of themselves" (he was trying to be politically correct) seem to be more uncomfortable at this stage. I've been uncomfortable with contractions as well, but doc suggested a mini Gatorade in the mornings to sort of over hydrate myself and it does seem to help.

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  38. Well, Megan.....by now you know that you're as normal as the rest of us in the land of motherhood. My 'baby' turned 45 last week. Having 5+ years between our son and her was just about everything you described: those last couple months really sucked. A body that wasn't mine, worries about everything from labor to life afterward. And the loss of freedom? Yikes!!! My son dressed himself right down to the snowsuit and over-the-shoes buckle boots. He had to tie his own shoes cause Mommy couldn't reach them unless they were resting on my stomach. And the invasion of the baby stuff...from the bassinett in our room to the crib, clothes and carraige. Add in the cloth diapers and sterilizing bottles for when we ended nursing. Sleep became a rare luxury again. The only time for reading was during the middle-of-the-night nursings but it was impossible to take my eyes of our miracle. 'Me time' came during lunch when I could literally rock the cradle with my toe and turn book pages while relishing coffee and a sandwich as gourmet food. So did it all work out? Someday, after all the normal growing up things that happen in a girl's life you'll watch her Dad walk her down the aisle then you'll cry into his tuxedo when he sits beside you. You'll hold her firstborn and be convinced nothing in this world is better....til she holds her firstborn grandchild and you'll lock eyes with her and both of you will have known forever. It was all worth it. Inside my hope chest my grandfather inscribed that wonderful old adage "A son is a son til he takes a wife. A daughter's a daughter all your life." Just wait til she sees her mom!

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  39. All of your thoughts and feelings are totally normal, and it is nice that you can be honest enough to write them. You look amazing, even though you don't feel it. You will love your child, because your heart will double when you see her! But I have to say, as a mother of three, parents do have favorites. I still love all three of my children immensely, but I do have a favorite, which is my only daughter, and I am sure it is because I am a girl and so is she, so we connect on a different level. But I still love both of my boys to the moon and back! My daughter is 19, and her name is Delaney. i found the name in a baby book, fell in love with it, and never looked back. I didn't even give my husband a choice in the matter. Luckily he was OK with it! Delaney Paige it was, and to this day she is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. Still after almost 20 years, when I look at her, I can't believe how beautiful she is. Good luck Mama, it will all work out!

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  40. You are almost done!!! Those last few weeks are very hard! I too had a son and then welcomed a daughter when our son was 6! I'm so glad that we basically got to enjoy an only child for that long and had so much fun with just him. We are so blessed to have a daughter now and our son is the best big brother, we had no adjustment issues. Then surprisingly soon we welcomed another daughter, so now I have gotten to experience what it's like having kids close in age. Anyways, so excited for you and your growing family! God bless!

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  41. Totally get it all of this and been there! My first a girl, was an awful pregnancy I lost weight overall from being so sick and I had heartburn so bad I burned from one opening the the other, haha but no joke and I am taller but good god I was huge! With my son I was diagnosed as Vasovagal so I would out of the blue start feeling weird and sweating and then faint! Got so I could not drive it was not safe. My son came early and I was induced with my daughter so I was scared that I would not recognize labor, but I did you just know. The bond with my daughter is strong but same with my son, they both are my world. My son almost didn't get a name, the hospital forced me to pick a name not sure why it was so hard because for my daughter it was picked early on and so easy so I totally relate! You are doing great and I feel for you the end is the worst especially when you are uncomfortable and are dealing with heartburn and indigestion. Try to prop yourself up more to sleep to see if it helps with my daughter the last month I sat in a dining room chair with my head on the wall to sleep to help control the heartburn. I have been there and my heart goes out to you.

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  42. Wow, everything about this post spoke to me! I had a baby girl about 6 months ago and I HATED being pregnant. I really wanted to enjoy it but just couldn't as I was sick a lot of the time! The last four weeks were definitely the toughest! Once it's all over though, it seems like such a short period of time and you will bounce back quickly! As for having an angel child, I was blessed with a feisty spirited baby my first go around and I find myself wishing and hoping that my next one is just a little more laid back! That being said, I know that God gave me a sassy baby as he knew I could handle the stress (like you, I'm a lawyer too) and He knew I had a husband, parents, and parents-in-law to provide unending amounts of support. God will give you what you can handle - even if your little one tests every fibre of your being! Best of luck with labour and your first few weeks at home. They are a blur but try and enjoy! They go by so quickly!

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  43. Even though we've never met Megan, I've gotten to know you through your blog posts. I definitely consider you a friend on my head, lol! I love your blog because of your candor and honesty. You've done it again and written another wonderful piece. You will be fine and I have no doubt you will be an amazing mother to baby girl just as you gave been to James!

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  44. Just discovered this blog and I'm already loving it! I'm due with baby boy #2 on July 20 and I stumbled across HWH in my research for how to bounce (or crawl!) back into shape postpartum. Megan's attitude is really uplifting and inspiring for this worn out mama. Just what I needed, can't wait to read more!

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    1. Congratulations!! So happy you found my blog and like it! I just wrote about my 6-week and 12-week body after baby posts. Check them out in the "fitness" tab. :)

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