Here we are at just six weeks to go until this baby girl is due to arrive! How in the world did we get to 34 weeks so fast when my first pregnancy felt like it lasted two years?!?! I guess that's the thing with your second pregnancy, you're so busy and occupied with your first that time seems to fly by. Until it doesn't.
If you've been following along on our pregnancy journey, you know that up until now I've been all, "pregnancy is great . . . I feel fantastic . . . I'm loving being pregnant . . . Look how stylish you can still be while pregnant!!" Um yeah, you can go ahead and smack that chipper girl right about now! Even I want to!
Don't get me wrong, I'm still overjoyed, overwhelmed and so very thankful that we're having a baby (especially at my age!), but ever since about a month ago, being pregnant has also been getting increasingly freaking hard. There's no other way to say it. I guess I could even be more blunt and say it sucks. Or rather, parts of it suck. Want to hear more? Read on, but I totally get it if you want to skip this post altogether and come back when I'm not such a hormonal hot mess. I just can't guarantee you when that will be. ;)
WHAT'S HARD ABOUT BEING 34 WEEKS PREGNANT
Or lack thereof. I think that's one of the worst parts right now. Every time I lay down to go to bed, I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. My chest feels tight and it's so hard to breathe. It calms down after 5-10 minutes, but it's kinda scary when you are huffing and puffing and can't get a good breath. Also, I can only lay comfortably on my left side and I'm someone who likes to switch sides. Laying in only one position all night is hard. If I try to switch sides, I'm winded all over again.
And getting up from bed? . . .
2. THE UNPLEASANT PHYSICAL THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BODY
Like peeing all.the.time. And charlie horses in the legs. Those have happened a couple times in my calves and they are NO JOKE! And heartburn, and other things you probably don't want me to mention because they are gross. But it happens and I have to deal with it. I'll spare you the gory details.
3. BRAXTON HICKS CONTRACTIONS
I have a lot of these and they make me so short of breath and my belly feels super tight and my back hurts. They stop me in my tracks, but thankfully only last about a minute at a time. They are probably more inconvenient than painful, but definitely get my attention and interrupt whatever I happen to be doing at the time.
4. GAINING WEIGHT
Gaining a lot of weight is hard. It's been tough at the end now that the baby is getting bigger and I'm getting bigger too. I'm up from 105 to 138 (although I figure I might lose a couple pounds of water weight in the next few days because that always seems to happen after the weekend and especially if I eat out, which we did last weekend).
Because I'm petite and super short, the extra weight has me feeling very uncomfortable. I can't bend down, but I make the effort because you have to wear shoes. And pants. Apparently, going pantless in public is considered unacceptable. But if it weren't . . .
Thank God for soft, stretchy comfy pants, which I wear exclusively now when I'm at home. I probably should go up a size, but with just 6 weeks to go, I don't want to buy any more maternity clothes. Sure, I can get myself spiffed up and still look pretty good (if I do say so myself;), but inside it's still really hard to get around, get in and out of the car, or get up from the couch.
And if I happen to drop something, I have to really consider if it's worth trying to pick up.
The hard part about gaining weight for me is I'm so uncomfortable, my belly bumps into everything (even my desk right now as I sit and type this), I get winded so easily, it makes me tired, I'm starting to get swollen (which doesn't feel good), and the maternity pants I've bought are getting tiiiiight.
Can I also admit that I have some pretty substantial fears about having a second child? I hope this is a safe place to share that I'm afraid of . . .
1. GOING INTO LABOR
I've been having braxton hicks contractions since very early on, like about 20 weeks, but the other night they were coming every ten minutes or less. Since I was induced with my son, I didn't know if that was the start of going into labor and I was all, "oh no, it's too soon!" Thankfully, it subsided and they haven't been as frequent lately. My doctor advised to just keep drinking lots of water or change positions if they keep coming.
Everyone assures me that "you'll know" the difference when you're actually going into labor. I don't know whether to be happy about that or freaked out. My BH contractions already take my breath away and are very uncomfortable. I hope I can handle the real thing. I'm team #gimmethedrugs and I hope I can get to the hospital in time to safely get an epidural and before I crumble into a ball of pain. #kiddingnotkidding
Is it even okay to say this? Maybe not, but if I'm honest with you (and myself), it has crossed my mind. When I went from working full-time to stay at home mom, it was a huge adjustment when my son started preschool. I felt like, "How can I be a SAHM with a son that's in school?" "What am I going to do all day?" I missed him terribly and was pretty sad about it. My contract lawyer job had ended and they didn't need me anymore. I did try to find another legal job, but couldn't find something that fit. After what felt like beating my head against a wall trying to find another job, I decided to let go and the timing was perfect because my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer. Not having a full-time job allowed me to be at every doctor visit and every hospital stay, spend much-needed time with my parents and family, and also pick up my son after school so he could be home instead of going to after-school care. He always wants to come home.
In retrospect, although I fought it, being out of work is what worked best for our family and then, as my blog grew and I found myself pouring more of my time and energy into it, it became more than a hobby. And I love it. Fast forward a couple years, and some days I look up and am like, "Oh, sh*t! It's time to go get my son from school!" There are never enough hours in the day, but I must say that I recognize that my life is currently pretty full of freedom and I know that's about to end in a big way.
Having an only child who is almost six and getting more and more independent by the day is so very different from having two kids, one of which is a newborn. I remember being tied to the feedings and the naps and sleep schedule. How will I handle it this time? Am I up for the middle-of-the-night feedings? Will I go straight back to Schlumpadinkaville? Will I be able to keep up my blog? Will my husband take my son to all the fun things while I'm "stuck" with the baby at home? That sounds terrible just typing it. Let alone feeling it.
Of course, intellectually and in my heart I know everything will work out, even if adjustments need to be made. My husband is a great dad, so I shouldn't discount him. It doesn't mean I don't still think about these things.
3. NOT LOVING/CONNECTING WITH OUR DAUGHTER LIKE I HAVE OUR SON
I mentioned this briefly early on and you mamas were very reassuring that love doesn't divide, it multiples. And I'm sure you're right. I just haven't experienced that for myself yet. And maybe it's true and/or human nature to connect more with one person than another or be more compatible on certain levels.
Up to now, my son and I have been very in sync and our bond is tight. He's almost six now and starting to prefer Dad more in certain situations and it's been fine, even if it stings a little. I love that they have such a good relationship.
Also, our son has been an "angel baby and child" and I hear that doesn't happen twice. Maybe we'll get a feisty, high-spirited daughter who will be all too eager to teach me a thing or two. I just have to trust God that He doesn't give you more than you can handle or what you don't need.
On a lesser scale, I don't want James to be jealous of the baby, but I really don't think that will be an issue with him. He's excited about having a baby sister and even with all the attention on baby with the shower, he never once asked, "are there any gifts for me?" which I thought could happen and I wouldn't have been surprised. And while we were designing and implementing the nursery, he was literally so excited and happy to see everything come in for her. I told you he's an angel. I mean, did you see this video?! #meltmyheart
But, at the same time, I've only known being a mom to one child, and it's much easier to give your attention to one. When they both need it at the same time . . . I haven't had to deal with that yet. I admire you moms of more than one, more than you know.
4. WILL WE EVER CHOOSE A NAME?
Our son, James, has a family name so there was literally no discussion of names once we found out we were having a boy. This time, my husband said he's open to hearing anything I want to consider, but he's not been throwing names into the hat, so it's pretty much on me. I thought I'd always know what I wanted to name a daughter if we had one, but now that it's actually happening, I haven't been able to commit.
Sure, I have names in mind, maybe I just need to see her and hold her to know. The hospital said I have 48 hours after she's born to tell them her name. We might be down to the wire on that one!
I know this post is full of aches and pains and complaints and I am an optimistic, cheerful person by nature. I only divulge all these issues and fears so that you don't actually want to slap me with how sunshiney and positive I've been about this pregnancy. No one is immune from the hard parts. And I'd go through it all times two to grow a healthy baby. Being a mom is the best thing in my life and I am seriously so thankful to get to experience it again. In just six weeks!
Get caught up on all my pregnancy posts here.
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