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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Holiday Gift Guide {For Him}

I’ve been collecting images and ideas for this post for a long time, but still wasn’t sure I was on the right track, so I thought I’d better consult a bona fide male for his opinion on the subject.  Turns out, my husband had quite the opinion on the matter!  He stared telling me that my ideas for scarves and such were all wrong.  So I asked for better ideas and he started rattling off all kinds of things I would have never thought of and never even heard of. 

Truth is, I’m a girl’s girl and can buy a fabulous gift for a female friend any day of the week with my eyes closed, but a gift for a man??  I always struggle.  So, I asked my husband to write a post for you and I might be sorry he agreed!  He seriously spent hours drafting his post!  I hope his suggestions help you out this year!  Disclaimer:  The views , opinions (and language- ahem!) expressed by this man do not necessarily reflect the thoughts and/or opinions of his beautiful wife.

 

So my newest blogging sensation of a wife asked if I would do a guest post for her this week on what you ladies should buy your men for the holidays.  In an effort to provide full disclosure, you must understand I am hardly to be considered an expert when it comes to gift giving.  However, if your husband/boyfriend is anything like me, then I’m sure he would appreciate any one (or more) of these suggestions.

Before I give you my suggestions let me give you some free insight into the male psyche and a guide for what not to give your man for the holidays.  The one and only thing you need to understand is that most men don’t expect to be given anything for the holidays.  The majority of us have been conditioned over years and years of receiving inadequate gifts that we have developed the mindset that if we want something, we just go buy it ourselves when we want it.  This is because when you buy us a tie in box, or one of those dumb grooming kits from the aisles in Macy, Dillard’s, or Brookstone (or any of the other endless cheesy gifts brought to us by the department stores) we tell you, “aw, thanks this is great.” But on the inside we’re thinking, “awesome, one more thing that will sit around my closet until the next trip to Goodwill.”

WHAT NOT TO GIVE

So here are the things to avoid:

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Bath Robes: Really?! No, men do not wear robes. I got a robe for Christmas a couple of years ago and the only time it has been worn is for the picture on Christmas day.

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The aforementioned Grooming Kits: Nothing says happy holidays like, “Honey, here’s your grooming kit because you’re a disgusting slob who needs to trim his nose hairs.” If I get another one of these I swear I will take the extra razor blades and start slashing my wrists. Understand that your man is almost assuredly going to receive one of these from his secretary or receptionist, I have a collection of them.

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Jerry Garcia ties? Umm, no thanks. Where the hell can I where this tie? Oh, I know; nowhere. Designed by a guy who’s never worn a tie in his life and it shows. Please Jerry, stick to what you do best, entertaining stoners at massive open field gatherings. Again, this is another favorite of your man’s secretaries or receptionists.

Now that you know what to avoid let’s talk about what you should get him.

WHAT TO GIVE

Video Games: for $50 to $60 you can give your man hours of enjoyment that is sure to put a smile on his face. Here are my suggestions for the season:

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Call of Duty: Black Ops.  I know, I know, it’s violent and you can’t have the kids around, but it’s the best game out there right now. This game has taken our boyhood love of GI Joe to a whole new level. If you want to see your man act like he’s 12 again on Christmas morning I guarantee this one will do it.

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Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit.  This is the latest release in the Need For Speed franchise.  If your man is car nut like me, then this is a must have.

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Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2.  Lightsabers, the Force, and Darth Vader. Need I say more?

If you absolutely won’t buy your man a video game for fear of becoming an Xbox or Playstation 3 widow, then here are some other suggestions.

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Sports Jerseys: Apparently these don’t qualify as “clothing” by my wife, so if you are hell bent on buying clothes for your man I will get to that later.  Understand that men love customized authentic sports jerseys.  There is no explanation for why this is, just accept it as fact and move on.  Now these are a tad bit expensive ranging anywhere from around $100 all the way up to $300 depending on the sport and whether it is a current player or throwback player from the yesteryear.  Just go to nfl.com, mlb.com, nba.com and you can order straight from each teams’ website.  Another option is to get your man the jersey of his alma matter.  If your man went to one of the major universities, then those jerseys will be made by Nike, Under Armour or Adidas.  The ONE rule to follow when getting your man a custom jersey: DO NOT put his name on the back! It’s just wrong.

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Anything from the Apple Store: These people are just f-ing genius! I have an iPhone 4, an iPad, a MacBook Pro and an iMac so I am biased to say the least. However, you cannot deny that anyone (man or woman) wouldn’t want to open an iPad on Christmas morning.

Tools: This is a tricky area. Men love tools, but not just any tools. Get quality tools or don’t get them at all.  Also, don’t buy stuff like tool chests or major power tools, unless you know for sure which one he wants.  Also, do not buy your man tools from Target while you are picking up some knick knacks for yourself, those tools suck and will break the first time you attempt to do anything other than unscrewing the back of a clock.  Take the time to do it right.  Lowe’s (Kobalt) and Home Depot (Husky and Stanley predominantly) have good selections and quality, but my personal opinion is that the best tools can be found at Sears. Craftsman tools are the Cadillac of tools.  Trust me your man will love to open something with the Craftsman label on it.  Best of all, getting him tools is a way to con him into helping you with your DIY projects because let’s face it we need to have something to do with all those tools that we have.  Here are a couple of the top items from Craftsman right now:

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NEXTEC 12.0 Volt Right Angle Impact Driver: perfect for all those tight spots where conventional drills just won’t work. $79.99

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83 pc. Homeowner Tool Set: This is perfect for most projects around the house and best of all it comes in a bag so you don’t have to keep going out to the garage to find which socket or screwdriver will work.  Trust me the less trips to the garage in order to get your curtain rod hung, the better it will be for you marriage. $119.99

Craftsman also offers laser engraving so you can put your man’s name on his tools.  Just go to Craftsman.com and you can find it all.

Gifts for the Car Guy

To say, “I love cars,” is an understatement.  If it has four wheels and can either go fast or go off-road, I am salivating over it and have to have it.  Not only do I want to buy it, but I want to modify the s*&t out of it.  If your man suffers the same affliction as me then here are the items that should be at the top of your list.

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GoPoint Technology GL1: This combines the love of cars with a love of Apple products.  It’s a kit that links to your car’s vehicle onboard diagnostic port and your iPhone, iPod or iPad and keeps track of the status of all the car’s system. This thing is brilliant and it only costs $100.  Contact the company to make sure your man’s vehicle is compatible.

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Motorbooks Ultimate Garage Handbook: This is a great $20 stocking stuffer. Can be ordered here.  The website has a plethora of other manuals and handbooks that would be of interest to any man who is either in the midst of working on a car or has aspirations of rebuilding a car.

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Garageart.com: Since this is a design blog, why not help your man decorate his garage, aka his man cave?  This website has it all, from signs to classic custom gas pumps and clocks.  Trust me, you cannot go wrong getting him anything from this site.  Us car nuts love the vintage signs and he would be in shock and awe to open up a box full of these from you.

Clothes: I know you all feel the need to dress your man like he is your own real life Ken doll.  If you truly must go down this area of gift giving then here are my suggestions to ensure that what you buy actually ends up on your man’s body and not stuffed at the bottom of the drawer or in the back of the closet.

Here are some ground rules to live by when thinking about clothing for your man.  First, unless he is built like a Calvin Klein underwear model, you need to steer clear of places like Banana Republic, Guess, Armani Exchange, etc.  There comes a point in a every man’s life where slim fit jeans and tight shirts are not only no longer cool, but they are just not functional either. Second, know his style (even if in your opinion he lacks one). Some guys love sweaters others (like me) wouldn’t put one on if it were the only means of keeping warm in a blizzard.  With those two simple rules in mind here are a few suggestions:

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Oakley: They don’t just make sunglasses ladies.  Oakley has great casual styles that men can actually wear.  It’s comfortable, functional, and rugged.  Let’s face it, these guys make sunglasses that can withstand a nuclear blast so you know their clothes have got to be good.

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Brooks Brothers: This place is classic and reasonably priced for the quality.  You can always find great things that fit your man properly and they make everything for all body types.  I’m the first to say they have some items that I don’t want on my body when I’m lying in the funeral home, but 80% of their stuff is wearable and stylish for your normal everyday guy who is even mildly concerned with his outward appearance.

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Nordstrom: I know for my wife and probably the majority of you ladies, this place is like the Disneyland of department stores.  For men, however, this place is really a let down.  First, the men’s section is only about ¼ of the store and that’s being generous.  Second, within that ¼ of the store almost half it is dedicated to stuff for teenagers or the Calvin Klein underwear model clubber types.  That being said, you can get some really good high end items that will last you man forever like shoes, suits, and overcoats that you can’t find elsewhere.  Outside of those items I would not pay the prices that Nordstrom charges for their dress shirts, ties and casual wear, it just highway robbery.  If you want to drop some dollars at Nordstrom on your man then get him this:

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The classic Burberry Trench Coat. This will last him the rest of his life and can be worn over a suit or over casual wear.  It’s expensive at $1695 but if you shop at Nordy then you already know things ain’t cheap there.  Hopefully, he won’t turn up the collar like this model did, that’s just dumb.

Other gift ideas:

An uber nice briefcase from Tumi, or some really nice cufflinks also will do the trick.  If your man is into hunting or fishing and, (like with tools) you know specifically what he wants, then get it.  I’m guessing, however, if you are reading this post the odds are you have no earthly idea what he wants.  If my hunch is correct, then do not hesitate to get a gift certificate to Cabela’s, Bass Pro Shops, or Gander Mountain depending on which one(s) you have locally available.  Same goes for REI or Sun and Ski Sports for the hiking and mountain biking men.

Conclusion:

What should you take away from this post?  First, we as men don’t expect much during the holiday season, so if you come anywhere remotely close to these gift giving areas you will likely get a dumbfounded look of astonishment followed by a genuine “thank you.”  Second, get him something that HE wants, not something that you want him to have.  Notice what all of these suggestions have in common: they are something that either your DNA would refuse to get your man because it is childish or it’s something that you would never think of because these are places that I’m willing to bet most of you never knew existed.

Comments and questions are openly solicited and I will be more than happy to vet any ideas that you may wish to run by me before making your purchases.

Happy Holidays to all and enjoy your shopping bonanza!

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If you made it to the end, I commend you!  Jimmy hearts comments!  Ha!  :)  -Megan

69 comments:

  1. AHHH HAHAHAHAHA! OMG I really am speechless. Jimmy, you're freaking awesome though!!

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  2. Great post... and great ideas! :) Maybe Jimmy should be a regular "guest poster" for ya, Meg!

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  3. This totally made me crack up. My hubby is playing call of duty right now totally and agreeing with him!!!
    I will have to come back to this when making my Christmas list!


    Luvs!

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  4. Hahaha... this list looks almost exactly like my husbands... he also loves watches and real guns (he's a cop). The only problem is, like the hubs pointed out, he already bought himself a lot of that stuff. He can't wait the four weeks to try out the new call of duty???

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  5. This is absolutely hilarious. Thanks for working so hard to put together a funny and helpful post, Jimmy! Your suggestions will definitely come in handy for my husband's upcoming birthday and for Christmas!

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  6. So funny, my husband and laughing (I just read it out loud to him) is grateful because I think I have bought about half of those items you said not to :)

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  7. Thanks for the Garage Art link! The site isn't working for me at the moment, but I'm thinkin it'll come in handy for the future.

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  8. Awesome post! I was laughing out lout. :) I may have to buy that Impact Driver for my dad the toolaholic. I always have trouble buying for him. Thanks for a good idea.

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  9. literally LOL - this is awesome!!!

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  10. LOVE IT! Btw my husband has Blackopsitis!!HELP!

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  11. LOL!!! This was a awesome post! My husband keeps asking what I am laughing at...I will make him read this next! Thanks so much for the suggestions as well as the laughs!

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  12. This post was awesome. I feel enlightened about my man now :) I laughed out loud several times!

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  13. That was really helpful! I just may get a video game this year, even though I think they're a waste of time and way to much money. But what about hunting stuff...I don't even know where to begin with that junk!

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  14. My favorite portion that you wrote is the one on tools. It is quite funny, well-written and very helpful. I didn't realize the best tools were at Sears, so good to know. We've been working on building our tool collection, and am excited to get the Craftsman ones in the future. Thanks! Also your comment about hanging the curtain rod = hilarious. So true in our home!

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  15. So let me get this straight, I don't have to get my husband anything for Christmas this year because he's not expecting anything anyway?!?!?! Sweet!! :)

    i kid -- I actually got a lot more out of your funny post than that. And it was meant to be funny, right? Like I'm really going to buy him video games!!! ;)

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  16. Hahaha this is so funny! I just love it! But informative too... I am TOTALLY guilty of the tool thing! The man mentioned to me that he needs a new drill and I almost bought one the other day while browsing through TARGET... but thought I better do some more research soon:) So tell your hubs my hubs will thank him... he probably just went from a target brand to a craftsman ;-)

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  17. OMG, he's funny. He should post a little bit more.. :D

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  18. Hee hee this is a great post - I laughed out loud as I had asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bathrobe for christmas the other day and the answer was a resounding no!! Video games it is then!!

    Rachie xo

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  19. My husband would applaud you....especially b/c Xbox was at the top...and anything from the apple store close behind. :) Lukcy for me his wish list is easy this year ---- a new xbox {the black one..that is all I know} & a new ipod. Thank you for being blunt. I have always wondered about that "conditioning" element.

    Cheers~
    e

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  20. great post and all so true!!!! so when is Hubby starting his own blog?!? jk but is awesome he helped out he deserves a really great gift!

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  21. Hahaha I needed a good laugh this morning! Robes are out huh, I'm pretty sure I have bought one of those for my hubby, hahaha! Maybe that's why he never wears it : )

    Happy Thanksgiving Miss Megan!

    Paula

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  22. Ok this hillarious, I love that your husband wrote a post. I can't wait for my hubby to read this because he always asks me for video games and this year he said he wanted The Call of Duty game too. Great gift ideas though, because I like you only know how to shop for girl gifts. I have such a hard time with guy gifts!

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  23. Hilarious!!!! My favorite part is "The majority of us have been conditioned over years and years of receiving inadequate gifts ...." Thanks for the free insight! I have such a hard time figuring out what to get my husband, so I usually get him some sort of game. I'm pretty sure he knows he'll get The Call of Duty game. At least I know he'll love that :)

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  24. That's it...I'm posting this on Facebook! What great ideas! My husband sometimes has a tough time coming up with ideas for himself (a problem I never have) and he finally asked for cuff links. He may be getting a video game from his wife this year thanks to you!
    abby

    Happy Thanksgiving to you both!!

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  25. Hysterical and educational, all at once. It's like he's Gwyneth Paltrow on Glee or something. Thanks Megan for letting Jimmy do a guest-post. I'll be sure to share this with all my girl friends who have some shopping to do this holiday season.

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  26. Your husband is hilarious. I, like many other wives, read some of his post out loud to my husband and we were both laughing. Please tell your husband thanks for his opinions! I will actually be using some of those for my brother in law!

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  27. Megan, Jimmy did an amazing job on this post! Funny, relatable and spot on! I'm hoping to "see" more of Jimmy's posts on here. Great job, both of you!

    I wish you both the happiest of Thanksgiving's with your little man.

    xoxo, Elizabeth

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  28. OK, this is hilarious... and actually super helpful!

    Thanks Jimmy! :)

    Happy Thanksgiving you two

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  29. This was really helpful! Thanks Jimmy! I know a couple of women who could really benefit from reading this, so I will put the word around! You are about to make many men happy Jimmy! LOL

    SimplyStoked.blogspot.com

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  30. Kudos Jimmy! You nailed it. My hubby has grown so used to not expecting anything . . . so I am a bit curious why he keeps asking what I got him from the apple store. So funny. Will you be "guest" posting each month!! Happy Thanksgiving. Your wife is wonderful :)

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  31. Fabulous post! Funny, but so so true. My husband would approve :)

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  32. This is awesome! Thankfully for my better half, he's getting the first 2 of the 3 video games listed.

    Thanks for contributing Jimmy! :)

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  33. Way to go Jimmy! I started off reading alone, but was laughing uncontrolably...so needless to say Mark and Kate (our youngest) joined in the reading. Mark kept nodding and agreeing, and Kate was laughing hysterically because you were describing her dad to a T!!! But, I too am with Cassie...not expecting anything?! Makes my life easier. I kid, I kid! However, you just made it easy...your list looks exactly like his!!! Oh, and if you are into fast cars...you two need to talk. Come to Atlanta sometime and he'll take you to Road Atlanta and give you a ride at mock speed in his Vette!

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  34. This was soooo FUNNY!!! LOVE IT!!!!

    This is my very first time here and I'm falling in love with you blog. The pictures are great and everything is so inspiring. I'll definitely come back.

    Oh, I've just started a new blog. If you can, please go take a look and let me know what you think, ok?

    xo

    Luciane at HomeBunch.com

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  35. I think men around the world are slow clapping Jimmy right now.

    Thank you for your hilarious insight!! You had me laughing out loud over here.

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  36. I love it. Actually gave me some good ideas for my hubby :)

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  37. Hil.ar.ious! As I was reading this I was thinking "what's wrong with giving a scarf?" and "my hubby would totally love this stuff, and I don't want to get him another video game, do I have to?" hahaha, looks like your hubby is on the right track Megan!

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  38. anything from the apple store is just what my husband wants!

    thanks for being so willing to approve gifts ahead of time, how kind of you. i just might take you up on this!

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  39. I'm pretty sure my husband could have written this, minus the anti-Banana Republic comment. Though he prefers JCrew polos :)

    But my husband recently bought himself Call of Duty and a bunch of jerseys....The only Apple product he doesn't have is the iPad, but that's a biiig present.

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  40. Great post, Jimmy! If I could get my husband to stop checking his iPad/simultaneously watching ESPN, I'd get his input.

    Fortunately, I've been married for 9 years, so I've learned that those crap grooming kits are the worst gift you can give a guy. The year T got a Playstation was a good one, and the year of the chainsaw was also nice. I think he was the only guy on our block to go in the back yard and run a chainsaw on Christmas Day.

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  41. love it! and I read it to the end... lol! good ideas here -

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  42. This is priceless!! I almost died when I saw the Call of Duty video game.. my husband would love for me to get him a video game, but I just don't support his Xbox habits.. :)

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  43. This post had me laughing and was pretty helpful too! Thanks for sharing your ideas!

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  44. HAHAHA!! Excellent Ideas Jimmy. I rem. that robe. Funny enough from time to time I catch Chaz wearing it when our house is really cold because I hate turning on the heater lol. As for the tools and car thing he can not stop talking about mods to the GTO we just got. Sigh.............

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  45. AMAZING ENTRY!!!! you sound EXACTLY like my husband and every man in my family!! i am the WORST gift giver, you honestly helped me so much. (and also entertained me at work for a few minutes AND made me laugh!!!) i bought my brother a bass pro shops gift card last night, so i'm happy it was a good decision. I'm buying my hubs an ipad and he has NO CLUE!! i couldn't be more excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u are awesome!!

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  46. oh and you are an awesome husband for giving your wife that gorgeous closet!

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  47. I'm glad to see that so many of you have found this to be a useful and enlightening post. Megan was quite concerned that many of you would be offended and un-follow her due to my blunt and direct commentary.

    Let me respond to a couple of questions:

    First to theyoungjunker, gift certificate, gift certificate, gift certificate. Say it 3 times like Beetlejuice and it will stick in your mind. DO NOT attempt to purchase any hunting supplies unless you know exactly what he wants or needs. Cabela's, Bass Pro Shops or you local gun store will hook you up. If you don't want to do a gift certificate, don't hesitate to go into one of those stores and seek out help. Just because they are really into guns and somewhat fanatical about their second amendment rights, they are very nice people and are ready willing and able to help you find the right gift.

    Second to Cassie and Simply LKJ: true we don't expect anything so the decision rests in your hands. If after reading this post and allowing your husbands to read this post you decide to risk not coming home with one or more of the aforementioned items then you proceed at you own risk. :)

    LKJ, I have wanted to go to Road Atlanta for a long time tell your husband I will bring my ZO6 out and we can turn and burn the lap times.

    For those wishing to see me as a regular guest poster you will have to take your requests straight to the bosslady.

    Jimmy

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  48. Jimmy, you did great for your first time! My husband hasn't had a good gift in a while, thanks for the tips! What will the topic be next month?

    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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  49. LOL Too funny! Seriously - what a super idea! I appreciate the suggestions! :)

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  50. bahahahahahahahahahhaa!!! LOVE it!! loved it that video games were at the top of the list cuz in this house xBox takes center stage. (ugh) and yes we own all the aforementioned games -but you forgot one Halo Reach. *sigh* I hear that game in my sleep.

    Thanks for all the tips- of course my man would add- "honey just show up wearing nothing but my tie" and that would be all the Christmas he could want. LOL

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  51. Great post Jimmy! I think you summed it up pretty well when you said you just go out and buy it. That is what my husband does, so it makes it difficult to buy him something every year. But my husband really tries to buy me something he thinks I would want, one year he bought me a robe. Didn't fit, kinda on the big side. So I went to take it back, and guess what? It was that same man's robe you showed in your post! Yep, he bought me a man's robe and didn't even know it. So now I give him a specific list. You will appreciate those nose hair trimmers when you get older, just saying...

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  52. Great post! I laughed and felt slightly embarrassed about all the ties I have gifted in the past. My husband isn't too into Christmas- I think it must be all the lame gifts he receives. Last year was an electric toothbrush. Not so this year, you have inspired me!

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  53. Thank you Jimmy! I really, really enjoyed reading it and I bet my husband will be much more happy with his Christmas gift this year. Please write again!

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  54. Jimmy, you will be happy to know I have returned the Braun nose/ear and eyebrow trimmer that was going to be in the man's stocking this year and bought Black Ops. I think you may have bought me an extra kiss on Christmas morning and possibly an extra hour of shopping on Boxing Day :) Thanks Big Guy!

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  55. What is it with men and sports jerseys?! ughhhhh, I HATE them! This was hilarious, love to hear a man's perspective. Oh and thanks for the add to your blog roll, I am honored :) Happy Thanksgiving!

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  56. He did an awesome job and the stuff he gave thumbs up or thumbs down to are things my hubby would totally approve of. Thank God for having real men who don't want scarves! I shudder at the thought! Good job Jimmy- nice to meet you!

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  57. Actually the collar on the trench is made to be turned up, to block the wind.

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  58. This is hilarious! I just emailed the link to my husband and expect him to write me back with- Duh! or Amen! Great job, Jimmy

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  59. Loved this post! Made me smile the whole way through, because it sounded just like my Hubs wrote it! :) Thanks for the input Jimmy it really was a great post!

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  60. Excellent list, and pretty humorous to boot! Love getting the true male perspective on gifts. I think you are spot on! Thanks. I think you should be a regular poster Jimmy!

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  61. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  62. Entertaining and informative post! One thing I'd have to add to my husband list is anything golf-related.

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  63. Hello,
    Unique
    stuff:) Found this here on honeywerehome.blogspot.com [url=http://easyrvoutdoors.com]RV[/url]

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  64. I just stumbled upon this post and although it is too late to take this advice for the holidays my husband's b-day is in March. This seriously made me laugh out loud. Your husband did a great job and hopefully my husband will appreciate the advice when I give him his b-day gift!

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  65. hahahaha!! So much fun! My husband loves all those games, too!!! He's like a big kid! I'm sleeping and all I hear is cross-fire! That's men for ya!

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  66. I am just reading this for the first time and I am finding it truly hilarious and also very informative. I think your husband should guest post every year!

    www.mckeownresidence.blogspot.com

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Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, I read every one! I try to answer questions in the comment section since many readers are "no reply" and so everyone can benefit from the response- so please check back. :)

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